Several years ago I had the privilege of interviewing two mega-church pastors who became pastors of their respective churches in their early 30s. They took over large conservative churches in their own rights and took on a fair amount of criticism in the early years. They provided some powerful insights on how to handle it in a healthy manner. Here are five great principles in handling criticism in today’s world.

Protect your mind from both compliments and criticism.

It is dangerous to take both criticism and compliments to deeply to heart. You will hear a fair amount of both. You need to develop a rhythm for reflecting and processing both. “If you live by man’s praise, you will die by man’s criticism.”

Always keep in mind that hurting people hurt people.

There may be something underneath their criticism of you that is driving the matter. Depending on the depth of that relationship it may be an opportunity to lead them towards a pathway of healing. Be gentle and discerning.

Build your life on an unshakeable identity.

A very liberating truth comes out of I Corinthians 4:3, But with me it is a very small thing that I should be judged by you or by a human ^[a]court. In fact, I do not even judge myself. When you are living out your complete justification in the love of God, it is a small matter to be judged by another human. The temptation to defend yourself is really just a need to justify yourself. That justification has already been done for you through a relationship with Christ. That anchor for the soul really diminishes the weight and power of criticism. 

Don’t be afraid to admit that it hurts and talk about it.

Internalizing criticism only leads to implosion. It can hurt. It can wound. Find an inner circle of trusted friends, mentors and advisors where you can express that hurt. Allow them to speak into your life in a way that keeps your heart and leadership healthy.

Be cautious not to take it home and take it out on your family.

Home can and should be a safe haven. Be self aware and vigilant enough to ensure that you are not taking the stress, burdens and wounds of work home. If you are not careful you can take out your frustrations on your family. Even if it is done in a subliminal or subtle way. That is not fair to your family and that is not a true remedy for the wounded heart.